


The Shrek Au You Didn't Ask For But I'm Delivering Anyway

by DilynAliceBlake



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: M/M, Shrek AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22815130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DilynAliceBlake/pseuds/DilynAliceBlake
Summary: By night one way, by day another/This shall be the norm/Until you find true love's first kiss/Then... take love's true form.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue- Ed

By day, he's Ed Nashton, a little geeky and a lot awkward. A nervous nerd with a love of science.

By night- By night he is a monster. Edward Nygma, alias The Riddler. Reprehensible serial murderer who leaves puzzles and clues giving hints to his crimes. It's no wonder his parents finally had enough and locked him away.

He's got to find his true love and banish The Riddler from existence forever- It's the only chance he'll ever have for a happy normal life.


	2. Prologue- Oswald

Oswald doesn't like to think of it as a quest. He and Ivy just need to find and kidnap this Ed Nashton to deliver him to the awaiting wedding. He's said to be kept in Arkham Tower, a place that's insurmountably hard to enter and even more impossible to leave. So really, piece of cake.

It doesn't occur to Oswald to wonder, when looking at the file, why someone so unremarkable as this man would be kept there. Royalty get locked in towers all the time. Such a shame it's a three day journey both ways.


	3. Day Zero- Arrival

The gates around Arkham are so tall that Oswald thinks perhaps it's location surrounded by sheer cliff is overkill. The long, safety hazard of a bridge isn't reassuring either.

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" Ivy says, as if he hadn't reminded her already just that morning.

"His parent's have secured him a beneficial betrothal. I guess now that he's worth a chunk of land and money they want their kid back."

"Yeah, but why are we the poor souls who have to deliver him?"

"The King and Queen want him to be sedated for the journey. Your potioned perfume will keep him unconscious, and I'm supposed to guard and subdue him in case of failure or adverse effects."

"I guess they're scared he's gonna try and run off or something before they can make sure he gets hitched. Getting in and out of that tower won't be easy."

"I'll worry about that- you just figure out what we're going to do with the fiefdom that comes as our pay for this little venture."

"Oh, of course Lord Penguin," she mocks, checking again that her necklace and it's bottled perfume is secure. 

"Okay, Arkham Tower, here we come."


	4. Ed Nashton- Day's beginning

Ed wakes that morning chained into his bed like usual. That doesn't always mean he hasn't done anything, but it was usually at least a sign that he hadn't left the tower. Killing off some of his guards in the night isn't outside the norm, but he can't bring himself to worry too much for them when the ones that die are always the ones who were cruelest to him.

He marks another tally onto the wall. Everyone else here is either a guard familiar enough with his other half not to have a chance of falling in love with him, or else another prisoner, who he himself is unlikely to fall in love with. Visitors are rare, and one interacting with him is unlikely. Still, he holds out hope that perhaps today will be the day he meets his true love. After all, it has to happen eventually, right?

"There's a reason you're the stupid one," his reflection taunts. Riddler always uncovers the mirror during the night, and once he has himself unlocked Ed is quick to hide it. The curtain won't stop the voice, but at least Ed doesn't have to see him.

Day 1,893 here Ed comes.


	5. First Step

Getting in isn't as difficult as Penguin thought it would be. Apparently visitors are allowed.

"Do you know what floor the person you're looking for is on?" the man asks, after checking them over for anything resembling a weapon.

"We have a key, actually. We're here to get someone; by order of the King himself." Oswald produces the scroll and ornately jewelled key for Captain Gordon's perusal.

"A release, huh? We don't see those often. Whoever it is, you'll have to get there yourself-" he cuts off abruptly, brow crinkling.

"Nygma," he hisses, looking disturbed.

"Beg pardon?" Oswald says, growing impatient. "We're here for the prince- Ed Nashton."

"Top floor," he says, reluctantly handing back the key and papers. "Look, it's not my place to question the King, but I really hope you know what you're doing."

"It's not," Oswald agrees shortly, and turns to begin ascending the many, many stairs.


	6. An Auspicious First Meeting

"I don't like it," Ivy says, more steps than Oswald likes to think about later. "He was acting suspicious."

"Suspicious- Ivy we're here to get someone out. For all we know the guards are paid on a per prisoner basis, and he doesn't want part of his check to leave."

"No, did you hear what he said? Nygma. We're here for Nashton, why would he say someone else's name."

"You don't know it's a name, Ivy. For all we know, it's a local curse word or some trashy slang. Stop worrying, the job's half done already."

"Penguin, you have to admit, hiring you for this was a weird move. Why not a caravan of guards, a royal envoy? You're known for keeping secrets, and the King and Queen only sent two of us!"

"There are plenty of reasons this could be a stealth mission," he argues, clicking the key into the lock of the door they arrive at. "Preventing assassination attempts, or-"

Ivy cuts him off when the door is pushed open and they get their first glimpse of Ed.

"Or maybe the Crown Prince is a creepy nerd, and they don't want anyone to know about it," she observes with a laugh.

"Who are you," Ed tries to demand, but it comes out sounding nervous as he shoves the goggles up on top of his head. "What are you doing here?" He glances out the singular window at the approaching dusk. "You have to leave."

"I'm afraid not," Oswald says with forced cheer, ignoring whatever is dissolving into smoke in the bowl on the desk. "We're here to take you to the Esteemed Lady Kristabella for your wedding."

"You don't understand-" he begins, more anxious by the second, but Oswald loses patience and motions to Ivy. She sprays him with the perfume, and the prince hits the ground with a painful sounding thud.

"I wasn't asking. Grab some of his clothes and let's go, I want to get to a town in time for some rest before daybreak."

"Sure thing," Ivy says, and Penguin begins the arduous task of dragging Ed's unconscious body down the stairs.


	7. Night Zero- Mistakes and Assumptions

"This guy's a total freak," Ivy says as they settle into an inn for the night. Their room has two beds, because Oswald doesn't believe in splurging on comfort for someone who's going to stay passed out on magic drugs anyway.

"When do you next have to dose him?" he asks, taking careful stock of their things and trying not to think about whatever weird reasons someone might voluntarily chain themselves to a bed.

"In the morning. It's every six hours, but unless our guy makes a habit of being up and around at two a.m. he should be good for the night."

"Great. Let's get some sleep. Three days of keeping track of this lug is going to be boring enough that I already wish it was over."

"Whatever," Ivy says. "Just remember, you get the manor and the servants, I get the forests and the land."

"We can put it in a contract, Ivy. I've got no use for gardens and trees."

"And I get half the money," she insists.

"Yes," he hisses, "You get half the money. Unless I kill you for not letting me sleep!" 

"Love ya, Pengy," she says as a peace offering, before blowing out the lamp. The room descends into blackness.


End file.
